iThink...thereFore, iAm

There are some things I want you to know.

These are things that every guy should know at some point of time in our life. Some of us, like me, have done rather stupid things in our life, and thus we know this a little earlier. Some of us find it out later, be it the easy way or the hard way. The hard way is what i went through - the easy way is what I’m going to tell you so that you don’t have to learn it the hard way, and believe me if you do you’ll ruin not only your life but the lives of those you love and those you think you love.

• Listen to your parents. Respect them. If you think you’re good, remember that they brought you up - they’re better. Even if they’re not as educated as you, they have had many years more experience than you in life and very often that counts more.
• Listen to your leaders and elders. You may not always like it, but a third party who is more mature can often tell you things that you don’t know, and things that may seem wrong to you but are right.
• Listen to yourself - your instincts often know more than you think they do.
• Know when to listen to which.
• Be a gentleman. When a lady/girl says “no”, she means “no”. Let it go and leave it be - “persistence” usually rears an ugly head in the wrong fashion and you most definitely won’t win her over if you keep bugging her: don’t keep coming back like Jason Forhees in Friday the 13th. He is creepy and if you do that, so will you.
• Be humble. That doesn’t mean playing down your attributes and good points - it means using your strengths without blowing your own trumpet, and doing it without getting any attention. The more you fight for attention, the more likely you’re not going to get any.
• Learn that you are not in control of everything. You cannot control another person, you cannot control nature, you cannot control God. Don’t even try.
• Focus on the things that matter. This will enable you to think about what constitutes the bigger perspective, and what you value.
• Think. Don’t just feel. Some things need to be thought out, and you shouldn’t just believe it will happen.
• Feel. Don’t just think. Some things cannot be thought out.
• Learn that things need a balance (see previous two points).
• Seek advice, particularly on what to think on and what to feel on.
• Listen to the damn advice. If you look for advice from a trusted elder be prepared to bite your lip and do exactly what is suggested without hesitation, not just seek and then do what you were set in your mind to do anyway. If you’ve already made up your mind there’s not much point in wasting your time (and another’s) in seeking advice unless you’re prepared to at least listen to it.
• Assume responsibility for your actions. You did it (or let it happen) and you bear the consequences. Forgiveness is not always not bearing your own consequences, but bearing your consequences isn’t a prerequisite for forgiveness.
• Laugh heartily. You may need the memory of your own laughter when you cannot laugh to bring you out of your slumps.
• People do not belong to you and are not there to do your bidding as you command. This goes whether you are a worker like me, or a boss: your subordinates are not your slaves. Treat them as people who are holding you up from the bottom and supporting you. Encourage them, and support them in kind. Your friends are not there to do you favours - don’t expect them do, and don’t impose that on people. A favour is called a “favour” because it is done without intent of being returned; return it in kind, but don’t expect others to.
• There is never a good reason to be unkind.
• You cannot stop people from saying bad things about you. You can only prove them from being right.
• You can never win a lady’s heart - she has to give it to you. You can only prove yourself worthy of care and stewardship of her heart by being who you are, and not trying to be someone else. If she doesn’t give her heart to you, it is her choice and there is nothing you can do about it except rivaling Freddy Krueger in the creepiness which you honestly don’t want to do. You can improve yourself, but if she doesn’t give it to you, then you’ve got to let it go.
• And if you really do think you can win a lady’s heart - are you sure you want a lady who can be “won over” like that?
• Changing for someone else is never a good idea. Never.
• Appreciate the free things in life - ditch the iPhones and the Blackberries for a day and head to the beach or forest or mountain or lake. Go fishing, swimming, running, jogging, rolling in the grass. Talk to a friend or a person in need. Catch a sunset or sunrise.
• Speak softly and carry a big stick. There is often no need to fight back because sooner or later people will see that stick and move aside. Better still, God will handle that problem for you.
• At least know how to use that stick.
• Be a gentleman. Open doors for people. Treat them nicely, whether or not they have anything to offer in return. Be prepared to lend a hand or support another if they need to and you can. Be aware that this will sometimes mean sacrifice - don’t grumble.
• It is ok to cry. Cry all you want. But pick yourself up after you’re done crying and get on your feet again; don’t just keep crying and wallowing in self pity. Warriors have their respite and soldiers have their barracks - but it is not where they belong. Rest, heal, and get up again.

God knows I’ve broken some of these before. Thankfully I didn’t have to learn them all the hard way else I really don’t think I’ll be alive today and where I am.

Please consider these - remember them, even if you don’t agree with them. Feel free to laugh at them, laugh at me if you must - if I’m wrong then we both learn, but if either of us is wrong and we don’t consider that possibility then someone else will have the last laugh.

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A final closing thought from an old teacher: “Being a man is not a thing of the brains, the brawn, or the balls (pardon the language); it is everything to do with the heart”.