iThink...thereFore, iAm

Some time back there was this little girl about 4 years old that used to come and watch the bunch of us play squash. She was pretty smart - and so we made a game out of when the other pair of people were playing - we’d decide who we’d want to tease in the match and every time that particular player lost a point we’d clap and get her to clap along with us. :D

The interesting thing was she would understand when the point was lost, but she couldn’t get who lost it - and so her first response was to clap every time a point was lost. We ended up telling her “okay, clap!” and clap along with her, or conversely putting hands behind our back and say “don’t clap!” and she’d do the same. It became a sort of “Simon Says” kinda game for her, but she clearly understood when the point was lost because she would immediately turn to us and look for instructions when each point was lost.

It got me thinking - aren’t many of us today like that? We know what the “game” is, whatever area of life we may be talking about, but we’re not really good at interpreting what’s going on. We probably know enough to know when a point is gained or lost, but we don’t really know who won. Like the little girl, smart as she was, we may think we understand the game but we only understand a small part of it.

Isn’t much of life like that to us? We fumble through, thinking we know what’s going on - and to our credit (or so it seems) things seem to fall into place in what we think we’re doing right. We think we’re on the right track (and we could well be), but every now and then we find a derailing happen, and then we wonder “what went wrong?” and struggle to get back on track.  How many of us have had the experience of thinking we knew what we were doing and then we eventually reach a point where we realise we messed up and say “oh crap”. The truth of the matter that we’ll find out then is that we didn’t really know what was going on at all!

This sometimes even sneaks its way into our walk with God. It’s possible that we reduce things to a ritual - Sunday Services, weekly cell groups, monthly prayer meetings, and so on - that we believe we’re covered and spiritually secure. And when something hard hits we realise how superficial our connections to God were, like in my own experience. Now I don’t deny that certain events can really hit hard and push God into the shadows for a spell (or a long time even) - I’ve had some of those happen to me before as well. But those instances are dealt with differently, and I do want to focus on getting on the right track first.

I think this mentality isn’t new; Isaiah records for us that God’s people did a great deal of things, hoping to find life, travelling to kings with perfumes and sending envoys (57:9-10). Something that struck me was that these were things that all the nations were doing to appease an opposing force or to forge diplomatic relations. These were things that they knew how to do and they thought it would work. But their peace and relief didn’t last, if it ever was found in the first place. Essentially a large chunk of the prophet’s writing was God saying “you thought you knew what you were doing, but I distinctly said to do something else. Why wouldn’t you listen?” And up till now we seem to be doing the same thing, maybe not on the same magnitude as blatant disobedience, but the seed for it is there when we think we know what we’re doing and we can handle the situation.

John Eldredge writes, in Waking the Dead, “the usual remedies involve some sort of shaping up on our part, some sort of face-lift whereby we clean up our act and start behaving as we should… Many Christians try church attendance and moral living. You’d think, with all the effort, humanity would be on top of things by now. Of course, the reason all those treatment ultimately fail is that we quite misdiagnosed the disease. The problem is not in our behaviour; the problem is in us… We don’t need an upgrade. We need transformation. We need a miracle.”

Why would we think such, especially if we’ve had a strong connection with God and are hearing what he says? One reason could be pride - we’re not willing to admit that we’re not able in certain areas (or maybe all areas!) to handle certain situations. Even Proverbs shows us the pride involved that “all a man’s ways look right to him”! (Prov 21:2) We constantly think that things are in control, and like the parable we plan ahead and wonder how we can enjoy our lives. I would sure hope none of us reach the point where God has to call us a fool and take away our lives that same night of planning before we realise that there is a great deal we aren’t in control of, and those are the big things.

Another reason could be that we see what the world is doing, and it seems to work. Old habits die hard, they say, and if I’ve been doing that same thing all my life and seen it work, what’s to say that it won’t work now? After all, I could be helping God and easing some of the work for Him! I’ve said those words before and in retrospect looking at them now I’m less than proud of it. And like the Israelites, we try! We do everything we can, without realising that the one thing that will work is the something we can’t do on our own. And we keep on trying because the world says it works that way.

Let me clarify here: I don’t think Christians are supposed to be a bunch of weird people, defying everything that society does. In most cases, we have no choice but to follow suit - all humans need to breathe, don’t they? But it doesn’t necessarily mean that we copy everything that everyone else does; just because everyone’s doing it doesn’t mean it’s right. A few of you who are like me will ask then “well if it’s not right then how come it works?” and I’d freely confess to you that I don’t really know. All I can say is that from my own experience, sometimes what works for everyone else doesn’t work for you because God has something else in mind. And this even goes for advice given from fellow christians with the best of intentions, and biblically sound guidance. Sometimes it just doesn’t work.

So what now? We don’t understand the game and what’s going on, and we can’t follow what is commonly done. Is this the life that we were supposed to live, bumbling along in the darkness without knowing what to do next and just trying to make the best of every situation? I’ve got good news for you: the answer to that is a solid resounding “No”.

John 10:10 - “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”

I’ve got news my friends - we are at war. The reason why we are being clouded and have such a hard time pulling through life (as I have had myself, just to assure you I’m not just preaching) is because we are at war. There is a battle being fought for us, in us, over us, to steal our joy and the glory that we are supposed to have and be. Imagine if we were transported to before the Fall, where Adam was a pure representative in all likeness of God. A theologian once expounded that the idea of “made in His image” was more than just a physical representation but also that of authority. It meant not only that animals would easily mistake Adam for God and bow down, but even after realising who it really was, would remain bowed at the authority given to him. After the fall, that glory was taken from us - and then redeemed through Christ’s death on the cross and resurrection from the grave. And the question that some of us are asking is “if it was redeemed how come we don’t seem to have it?”

Think about it - if you were the enemy, would you want that to happen? Of course not! You’d prevent people from getting that back. Hide it from them. Distract them. Occupy them. Hurt them. Discourage them. You’d do everything you can from reaching that glory and authority because when they get it…oh boy you’re in trouble.

The common response I get from people is the general implication that we’re busy or occupied. Work, ministry, family, whatever the reason - it’s usually a good one, I have to quantify! But there’s a nagging suspicion that goes on in my head that maybe, just maybe we’re fighting on the wrong fronts, chasing the wrong things. What if, just perhaps, we’re chasing after the survival of a ministry instead of chasing after God? What if we’re fighting a battle to raise funds or attendance instead of fighting the war to keep His people’s hearts close to Him?

The same thing applies to many areas of our life - do we look for a particular career for the right reasons? A relationship, sometimes even with a particular someone? A way to serve? Have we been asking the right questions, knowing the right game, or more appropriately the right battle? Maybe all our intellect and knowledge, for all it’s worth, doesn’t mean a thing. Maybe the little girl, no matter how smart she is, is like a representative of how we have turned out over time - all that knowledge, but pointed in a misinformed direction, with very little indication or wisdom of where our real battles are, where the real issues are. I’ve seen foolish choices been made, some of which I initially thought were wise, some blatantly unwise; some made by myself, and some made by others - and with each observation or eventual realisation that the choice was unwise, sometimes even destructive, my heart breaks just a little more.

When will we start knowing what we’re really in? When will we know that this is more than just a game, that what we think we’ve got under control is really another facade and we begin to slowly let things go and see things the way God sees it?

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The little girl turned up for a while, and then after a few sessions you could see she was getting a little confused - the game wasn’t exactly how she thought it to be. She started asking questions and we were more than glad to answer them, though the parents weren’t too happy that their little girl was being friendly with “strangers”, understandably so. I wonder till now if she ever found out how the game really is played.

I wonder if we will ever have that nagging curiosity as a start to finding out what really is the life we were supposed to live on this earth.

I wonder, honestly, if we will ever find out. Maybe we won’t - there are some things that we will never know till we see God in heaven, and I sure have a whole bunch of questions that I want to ask but also have the feeling that it won’t matter when that time comes ;)  Yet I’m reminded that to God, often it’s not the final answer that matters but the process and the journey.

Perhaps then it is when we are secure in God, content and yet with a holy discontentment at the way things are in a fallen world, that we can start that little journey of our own, with a fellowship that will support and cultivate each other, as iron sharpens iron.

Perhaps only then, will we be willing to walk in the paths that we were intended to - come hardships or joys.

Perhaps only then, will we be alive.