iThink...thereFore, iAm
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I had the urge to look at myself today, and I was shocked.
When did I become so paranoid, so cynical? When did I become so shaken that every small incident tears my world apart? Not too long ago I was coaxing friends out of paranoia and cynicism, bringing smiles to their lives, so firm a rock that people (even rivals!) would come to me to seek solace.
Where did that go? Was the sense of abandonment so strong that it borders on betrayal? What happened to scar me so deeply that the smiles I bear are the shallow ones that do not spread? How did my world collapse to the point where places of refuges are no longer such, and that I now find safety in isolation, in places that I have long abandoned? Perhaps there is something to be said for nostalgia, in that my mind takes me to places long ago, remembering when I had friends, I had places I could go to feel safe.
They say that the human life is dependent on trust, like nourishment. I am starving, for some reason, maybe because what trust I ever had has been shattered.
