iThink...thereFore, iAm

…think about that special someone else.

Just for that moment, put aside all of your own thoughts. You may see things one way, but you must also remember that a lot of your information is based on your own experience and another person’s information on your experience and processes are limited because they don’t share the same life or the same brain. 80% of your information comes from simply being there and having done that - and very very very few people will share that amount of knowledge. What seems logical to you may not seem very logical to another person - and what is illogical to you could make perfect sense to another, no matter how close you two are.

Think about his or her feelings, thoughts, perspectives and preferences. Put yourself squarely in their shoes, as much as you can - you’ll never be 100% there, but try nonetheless. Remember what they like or what they don’t, regardless of whether it’s logical or not. Dig up not just what you know about the person but what other people know about him or her as well - friends are important observers to have when you need this info. Don’t just think about how you think that person should feel about something - think about how he or she really feels about something. Once again, detatch yourself from yourself and put yourself as much as you can in the other persons’ shoes; ask, if you need to; communication is by far the most important and the most neglected feature in any relationship.

To top that off, don’t just think about what happens when you do something - run through your day and think what didn’t I do? Sometimes the things we miss out are the things that hold the importance.

Don’t wait for the person to ask you - the most important things simply lose their value when they are asked for. Sometimes it’s the smallest things like making yourself available at a certain time, or waking up to answer messages, or staying up late to call, or even simply telling what’s going on or what will be going on. Regardless whether you’re a guy or girl, your special someone will always want to made felt important - and it’s not what matters to you that makes them feel important, it’s what matters to them. Yes, what matters to you is and should also be important to them, but without catering what matters to them, one person is going to be starved.

In order for a relationship between two people to be calm and strong and peaceful, you both must provide the basis for that. It does not automatically reach that stage where both of you understand each other inside out and can be secure about each other inside out - you have to build that security in the other person. “Love is hard work” - and it has always meant to be hard work, which doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it.

Something that doesn’t matter to you or you don’t think it seems important isn’t always unimportant. It’s not up to you to decide what should and shouldn’t make them happy - they have been made in a certain way, brought up a certain way, and are a certain way and you can’t change that. But you can decide whether you want to make them happy by paying attention to what you think is just small stuff - if it really doesn’t matter then why not just do it (or don’t do it, as the case may be) anyway? Something simple to you might be something so important to the other person. You may find it at best an unreasonable inconvenience but the other person might find it a heartbreak.

And if it does matter and things clash, then talk it out. Everything can be resolved between two mature parties.

They always say don’t sweat the small stuff - but at the end of the day it’s always the small stuff that you’ll fight over; because it may have been small to you, but it wasn’t small to someone else.