iThink...thereFore, iAm

I dreamt i was in a medieval castle in those ages where the kings would literally reign from their castles within, seated on magnificent thrones. I was a small fry, a mere scribe or secretary of sorts, but seated alongside the King Himself. I was in His service - gladly employed, though i think “employed” isn’t really the word for it; i wasn’t paid for what i was doing, i was just simply happy to sit at the feet of the King, in His royal court, doing what i enjoyed doing.

It was another uneventful day in the court, the King jovially speaking to us servants as His friends, and each of us responding in kind as we went about our cheerful duties, knowing that we did so not out of obligation or fear, but loving submission for our King. The court was cleared - all except me, for my duties required me to remain and so i was not commanded for privacy - for a guest was about to arrive to converse with the King.

A man entered, clad in solid armour, dirty from travel and the harshness of the journey was evident by the mud caked on his face, and the sweat on his brow. Yet he spoke with an air of reverence, calm and peace, implying no harm. I remember not the question he asked my King - all i remember was that I stood up abruptly and interrupted with the answer i thought was so obvious, and in my words made that thought plainly so. It was said with good intention and jovially, as was the spirit in the court before the guest arrived, yet inwardly i knew it was also said with a hint of mockery because the thought i had stemmed from the idea that “how is it possible this warrior does not know the Will of my King?!”

Yet after i had spoken i turned beet red at the cheeks - i had spoken out of turn, and interrupted the very King i serve and submit to. Me, a mere scribe, charged to pen and paper as were my joys, had interjected the Ruler! I turned around in shock and fear to look at Him, and realized He too was meeting my gaze from above me, towering over me from His throne. I sat back down, ashamed of my behaviour and in fear of the judgement that might meet me given my actions. I fumbled with my quill and parchment, frantically scribbling nothing at all, appearing to look busy so that i could avoid the shame i had brought upon myself.

Instead, i heard a hearty laughter from my King followed by His deep commanding voice - “Warrior, you heard what my servant has said. Be it done!” My ears perked up at His voice and order: “be it done”? I look back at my King in shock: was there no punishment, no condemnation? And further still a warrior was given a command to obey a scribe? He met my gaze once again and His eyes spoke, There is no punishment, no judgement to be made. Those who serve me command as I do, and those in My Will are empowered to give it freely to others, as long as they abide in My Presence.

“…or maybe it wasn’t a dream, but funny it was anyway”

The bare half hour of sleep i had was with this dream, and i awoke right after. I longed for that voice of my King to say that to me again, that i was not condemned or judged for “interrupting” Him, for “speaking out of turn”, be it in word or action. I felt like the prodigal son having taken things in my hands, and i felt like him coming back to the father, feeling unworthy of sonship again and willing to be a servant just to be back home. And yet His Servants, those who serve Him, are also empowered. Still He called me not a servant, but a friend.

I receive no reprimand (yet) for jumping forward, but the consequences serve as a strong reminder of His timing, just as David had to wait his time to become king - time first spent as a shepherd, then in trials led to strengthen him, to eventually be given the kingship from his friend.

“Well what was it Sam? I haven’t had anything make me smile since we left Lothlorien.”

And so i sat awake for the rest of the night, smiling with tears.