iThink...thereFore, iAm

I recently got a wrap done over my iPhone - i’ve gotten so used to the feel of it on the older one that although i realize i’ll only be having this phone for less than the lifetime of the wrap i still got it done. I like the idea that i don’t really have to worry about minor scratches or where i put it. The main difference before and after is that this time they did the wrap over the buttons for sleep and volume instead of cutting it out around them. This makes the buttons a little hard to press because there’s already something pressing it slightly down - it no longer makes a satisfying click each time you press it. Now it doesn’t bother me much but some people who have played with my phone have commented that it’s a lot harder for them to get used to that since they’re used to the click that they have on their own iPhones for the sleep button.

It got me thinking (what doesn’t, really.): i don’t really have a problem with it, but they do. Why? Because their tactile feedback is what they rely on - i observed for a while over lunch and realize that when they press the sleep button they don’t look back at their phones to check if it’s already on the lock screen, while i habitually do. They press it and that’s enough for them to realize that it’s already on lock (tactile feedback) whereas i tend to look at it when i press, with a given practiced degree of measured calculated strength on the button, and when it goes black i know that it’s locked - i rely on visual feedback, which also explains why i prefer things that are touchscreen because it allows me to do things faster (provided the device responds in time).

And that got me thinking: what feedback do we respond to in life? I recently read two articles on the perils and blessings of friendship, and i think it relates very nicely to this. The two articles illustrate the dangers of having friends that think similarly to you, as well as the benefits of the same. We react accordingly to feedback, and when we hear things from people who are deliberately and obviously on our side we only hear one side of the story.  Most friends are bound to side you, and support your point of view and your subsequent decisions on the matter, without taking into account that they are your friends and therefore are also giving you a biased view due to their relation. This is done unknowingly and by default. This creates a blind zone - where everyone agrees with each other. But that’s why you’re friends right? Because you support each other and agree on the same views and same values.

Really? I disagree.

The other type of friends that exist are the ones that walk with you and fight with you - they are not loyal simply for the sake of friendship, not agreeing simply because they think the same as you do. These are the ones that i appreciate even more than the first group (though some of my good friends are that kind), because when they reasonably disagree with me and tell me why. These are friends who spar with me, fight with me, but also play with me, joke with me, argue with me, pray with me. These are friends who will go “Jon, you’re being an idiot. Stop it.” but will also tell me “I think that’s a great idea, a wise choice! Go for it!” when appropriate.

The point of this post is not to say that the first group of friends are less of friends than the second group, or that the second group is better.  The point is how we interpret the feedback - if i get feedback from all my friends that something sounds good, but when i ask a respected elder and he thinks otherwise i’d have to reconsider. It’s not about how many people agree and how many people don’t and using the percentages to determine that (though it can be very tempting to believe so especially when the overwhelming majority agree with what we want to do) - it’s about how many groups of people from different paths and in different stages in life see what we do. Our peers will see things from one perspective, those who are ahead of us in life will have another, and possibly our parents/family will have even another. When all perspectives agree, then it’s probably (again not a certainty) that it’s a good idea. These days i’m quite careful when i pass ideas past my friends - their opinion is valued highly, especially those who know me better, but unless i know them to be objective (there do exist people like that) i always have to seek people who aren’t necessarily on my side, yet i know them well enough to ask things (now that group is a little hard to find). But even in taking their advice seriously i have to consider which perspective they come from - particularly if everyone says what i want to hear and supports me without question.

I don’t doubt my friends or their good intentions - yet i think there is wisdom in receiving their advice with the knowledge of where they stand when giving me such advice.